just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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