Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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