is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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