My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
