the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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