the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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