I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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