Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
