I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
