i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
