do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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