Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
