I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
