i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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