Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
