I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
