you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
