my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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