The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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