So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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