i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
