I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
