I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
