i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
