Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
