Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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