dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
