do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
