I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
