i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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