I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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