i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
