So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
