after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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