I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
