my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
