i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
