Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
