You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The adults are the big ones right?
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