You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
