His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
