the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize