O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
