do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
