I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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