I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
