So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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