Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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