guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
