Buhtt sex?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
