Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
