im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
