I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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