Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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