That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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