Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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