i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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