the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
