'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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