I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
