something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
