Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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