Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
