I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
