dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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