I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
