batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
